This post will either be series of snake puns or a serious discussion of the merits of a snake, horror movie and the effect that it had on pop culture (namely people hence forth calling their penis a “anaconda”). I choossssssssse both options.
Alright, I know that this isn’t the sort of post I expected to write about. It’s not a great movie nor is it a terrible. It straddles that line between insanity and genius while giving me gruesome deaths by snake strangleholds. It has cheesy dialogue and John Voight for reason donning a ridiculous accent. This is one of those movie that you watch on USA network on a Sunday afternoon once yard work has been completed. It’s bad, but you can’t look away.
The movie’s plot/story line, I think I can get it down to 5 sentences or less. A group of National Geographic documentary crew is in the Amazon Rain Forest looking to film some long forgotten group of natives in the Jungle. The group picks up this drifter, John Voight, and he says that he can lead them to the tribe, but has evil plans of his own. After leading the crew astray, he reveals that he is after a giant 40 foot snake and promises riches if it is captured alive. Well he hijacks the boat crew, leading the snake to them and the snake proceeds to pick off the crew one at a time. The crew fights back against both John Voight and the snake and struggle to slither away from the situation.
Honestly, the plot is probably not important since I was honestly rooting for the snake the whole time. Not a single character is likeable and I eagerly awaited their inevitable death. The death scenes were genius. This snake might have well been in the wild west since it was lassoing the shit out of the crew, even catching some in midair.
I dig this movie for what it is and that is seeing scene after scene of Jennifer Lopez in and out of the water.
Also snake deaths and cheesy monster movie tropes. If you’re drunk, watch it, if not then get drunk and watch it. Cheersssssssssss!