Ah the Cannon Group, a film company that’s only purpose to churn out mid to low grade movies with bottom of the barrel scripts and basically turning shit into unadulterated gold. They are the group responsible for movie like Bloodsport, Invasion USA, Breakin’ and Rockula. During the heyday of the 80s, they paired with Golan Globus to release one of the single most amazing prison films ever made folks. I am talking better than any other prison movie that has been released or will ever be released. After the jump you will see why.
Well folks, Kansas is yet again in the cross hairs of another massive snow storm that is going to barrel through our area here in the next few hours. Just less than 4 days ago we suffered through a State of Emergenct snow storm from Blizzard Q or whatever it was called, which dumped about 12 inches of snow on our area. Tonight and tomorrow, Snow Storm Rocky is going beat us like he did all Ivan Drago back in Rocky IV. So I thought that this would be an awesome time to revisit one of the best movies around, with the best montage around, in the snowiest region of Russia. We are expecting about 12 inches again this evening, so this should provide me with ample snow to get my training on. ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY ROCKY!!!!
Stallone is back as Rocky Balboa, the heavyweight champion of the world and now good friend of his one-time nemesis, Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers). Creed is brutally slaughtered in the boxing ring during a lop-sided exhibition match against the superhuman Russian boxer Ivan Drago (Dolph Lundgren), an event that Rocky takes personally. Vowing revenge against Drago in the name of Creed and the United States, Rocky is invited to the Soviet Union for a matchup and hires Creed’s former manager (Tony Burton) to get him in shape. While Drago trains using the latest technology, Rocky’s ascetic preparations are a low-key affair of carrying logs up hills through knee-deep Russian snow. ~ Karl Williams, Rovi
This is easily the best in the Rocky series, leaps and bounds ahead of the atrocious Rocky V and to be honest, it was great to see Rocky take the Fist of Freedom to those Russian dogs. Everything about this movie is just amped up to the max in terms of the stakes. Apollo Creed was destroyed in an exhibition match, which an exhibition match in Russia is a fight to the death. Someone should have really gotten a translator to clear this up, but I would have saw that as a declaration of war on the part of the Russians. So having to come out and avenge his fallen hetero life mate, Rocky decides to show them that Communism doesn’t produce shit and destroy Ivan Drago. So what better way to show American Brawn than by defeating Drago on Jesus’ Birthday on Russian soil. AMERICA!!!!!!
One of things I love about this movie, other than watching Stallone box for freedom, is the montages. This movie managed to squeeze in two montages that pretty much solidify the movies greatness in the pantheon of movies. Tracked with the latest pop-synth compilation from some artist, the montages are seriously one of the best aspects of the movie. Here is montage number one:
Are you shitting me?! That is one of the most deep and profound montages I have ever witnessed. You would think if he had all that shit running through his head that he could cause a massive wreck when driving around. I don’t even like to fuck around with the radio in the car because it could cause too much turmoil in my mind, thus causing me to wreck. Most people take a drive to clear their head of difficult decisions like “what bills to pay first” or “where am I going dump this body”. Stallone takes the time to reflect on the past three movies and figure out how to destroy Communism all in the process. I guess life’s little problems can all be solved with a sweet 80s soundtrack and a lot of jump cuts.
The final montage which they had to show, cause I mean how else can you explain Rocky defeating Dargo in his home country? This is the montage to end all montages:
This montage was so long that they had to put two songs in the montage just so they didn’t have dead air while Rocky was chopping wood and out running the KGB. I love this montage just for the sheer absurdity of the acts that takes place between the two different training methods. Apparently Russia decided to put all their defense funds into this NASA like training center for Ivan Drago complete with a track course with installed punching bags throughout the ring. That had to cost a lot of money since that is not regulation. Then you get to see the typical computers with numerous lights since they decided to base their technology off of old Star Trek shows. Those devious bastards even inject Drago with steroids, possibly made from chemicals at the Chernobyl site.
Now Rocky’s training consist of him being transported back to the 1800′s where the only way to work out was doing manual labor. I half expected him to just start chewing tree trunks in order to bring it down. But this shows the key point between American and Russian training, in that America doesn’t need it’s industrial and technological might to beat some ass. All you need are a group of trainers, one black guy to nod at you in approval when you lifted those rocks well and then finish your training with run up a mountain. Let me say that again, HE FINISHES HIS TRAINING BY RUNNING UP A MOUNTAIN. The dudes from The Lord of the Rings couldn’t even scale a mountain and Rocky did that while evading the damn KGB agents that are ineffective in cold weather.
The final is one for the ages and the only appropriate gift one can give Jesus on his special day. I am talking about ending the Cold War. What did you get your wife for Christmas? A stupid necklace, hahahaha. Rocky have Adrian and America the end of the cold war. They might as well have just started placing “Made in America” stickers all over the arena since we owned that shit. Sales of American flags went up by 1000% in Russia and not because they were going to burn them.
This is one of the ultimate Christmas movies that you could ever watch. I mean it has it all in terms of montages, boxing and Christmas spirit.
I kind of welcome the future of sports if Real Steel manages to become a reality. I mean we had that awesome show on Comedy Central called “Battle Bots” which was just the nerdy mash-up I could get behind. Man, now I really wish they brought that show back cause it was just bad ass. Anyways, I was not the most receptive to Real Steel when it came out, although I did give it an average review score. I mean the movie is no Robot Jox or even Arena, but after additional viewings, it’s a cheesy sports movie that is well shot and has good boxing fights that add to enjoyment of the film. Also there are a lot of unbelievable things that kind of push to the bad, but good territory of movies that I love. Mainly this post is an excuse to watch Battle Bot highlights cause that was the shit. Did you know that Bill Nye lent his scientific expertise as part time commentator to the battles? Fucking awesome.
Wow, I am pulling this movie memory from way back in my childhood spent staying up late at night and watching that free HBO my parents had. I only remember this movie because I rewatched Real Steel a couple of nights ago and instantly thought about that one movie that was like Rocky, but in space. Arena is the schlockiest of B-Movies, something that SyFy would be proud to make but wouldn’t even come close to the level of originality and effects that Arena had. I distinctly remember this film for the ridiculous cast of aliens and the fact that boxing in space is way more exciting than Earth boxing. But after rewatching this film on Netflix (go watch it it now) this film really was something special.
So ignore the fact that the trailer looks like the latest UFC fight promotion on Spike TV, for Knuckle is more than just a highlight reel of backyard brawls and sweaty guys lumbering haymakers to one another. Sure there is a lot of barrel chested fighting going on in the trailer, but what you realize is that we are getting an intimate look into a society that we have only heard about in passing film or new stories. We know about gypsies and the travel pack of families that roam the countryside, but they are their own world and society, one which we have no first hand knowledge about. This is what makes Knuckle interesting, the base animal civility of solving disputes between families with good old fisticuffs.
When a movie description starts with the phrase, “known as Great Britain’s most violent and famous inmate” you got my attention. We really don’t need to go further than that statement since I am already trying to imagine in the most absurd way what and who this famous prisoner is all about. I admit I am not familiar with the man unless you are a gym buff and read his book, Solitary Fitness, to get that coveted prison physique. But I wanted to go in a bit fresh with this movie and not know a thing about the man, other than he shares the name of a badass movie star and being portrayed by Tom Hardy. So director Nicolas Winding Refn (Drive) has my rapt attention and my morbid sense of curiosity for a film about the most famous prisoner of all time…in Britain of course.
There is exactly 10 days until Christmas and I am going to spend these 10 days talking/posting about Christmas movies. Now I am sure you have already read my Top Ten Christmas Movies list, I mean you are avid readers of my blog so that is a dumb question. If you haven’t read it, here is the link: Top Ten Christmas Movies
So now that you have read my list, you know what to expect from my upcoming posts. It won’t be all about those movies, but you can bet on Die Hard being in that list. So why not start the list off with the movie that brought democracy to Russia and ended the fucking Cold War, preferably in a montage sequence with some kick ass synth music from the 80s.
A part of me hopes that we will have a future where robots are used for entertainment purposes rather than slave work where they will eventually rise up against their creators. The other part of me is a kid who likes watching robots just wreck the shit out of one another. Real Steel just happens to really appeal to both sides of my mind. I was a bit apprehensive about seeing this movie since it just Rock’ Em Sock’ Em Robots come to life and I got bored with that toy after getting the head knocked off for 100th time. Granted the lure of robot fighting is enough to get my simple mind wrapped around the concept that I gave it a chance at the movie theaters. That’s right, I sat through this movie for you, my fellow readers. To close this paragraph, Real Steel was a knockout. (Thank you, tip your waiter folks)
Wahoo more trailers to feast your eyes on. One of the latest trailers to come out this past week or so (not keeping track) is actually a remake of movie from 2005, done by the same director and now in English for the lazy shits that don’t want to bother reading subtitles. So 13 Tzameti got remade to suit the tastes of American audiences and with a more friendly faced cast in 13. Last is a trailer entitled Knuckle. It’s about bare knuckle boxing, so that pretty bad ass.
13:
If you haven’t read my Movie of the Day post about 13 Tzameti, please read it here. Basically the movie is just an English (from what I have seen from the trailer) sort of shot for shot remake of the movie, but the nice thing is that they got the original director to do this. Just replace the previous cast with action stars and done. Still, I am interested in seeing the movie if they kept the tone of the 2005 film.
Knuckle:
This is how you settle disputes, like Irish, sweaty gypsies. Knuckle is a documentary about the trails and tribulations of two rival clans known as Travelers. Essentially these two clans have a mutual hatred of one another and settle disputes by pitting different men into bare knuckled boxing matched for honor and money. Director Ian Palmer has been granted a glimpse into the lives of these closed off people and has done so for over 10 years. Aside from the sweaty boxing, this look fascinating, like glimpsing into an unknown society. I haven’t seen it on VOD, but I will check it out once I get the chance.
Missed my update on Friday, so here it is coming at you today. Real Steel and The Troll Hunter.
Real Steel:
They finally did it. They made my dream of a Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots movie come to life. This is basically Rocky but replace with robots. Done and done.
Troll Hunter:
Oh my god yes! Those crazy Norwegians and there plague of giant trolls. I expect that this is more of a documentary than anything else, since I don’t know much about Norway even though I traveled there several years ago. I honestly don’t know what to think of this movie/trailer other than this looks like a fucking fun ride. When the trailer tells you that the trolls can smell Christian blood, it can only get more ridiculous from there. Although, perhaps trolls can smell Christian blood and this could be a more informative movie than we might give it credit for. Anyways as soon as this is available to watch, I am going to open up a six-pack and bask in the glory of the movie.
