One movie a day until the reel change happens.
January 25, 2013 11 Comments
America, fuck yeah! Comin’ again to save the motherfucking day, yeah! / America, fuck yeah! Freedom is the only way, yeah! / Terrorists, your game is through, ’cause now you have to answer to / America, fuck yeah! So lick my butt and suck on my balls! / America, fuck yeah! What you gonna do when we come for you now!
December 21, 2012 9 Comments
I am in a Nic Cage sort of mood after watching Face/Off last night, which is fucking awesome by the way. So today I decided to pick a more tame Nic Cage movie, one in which he does just fucking flip out all of a sudden and be the Nic Cage we all know and love. Today’s flick is a Disney adventure film that tries to come up with their own Indiana Jones like treasure hunter and frankly a very enjoyable adventure film. National Treasure certainly taught me more about the Declaration of Independence than public schooling did, which is a sad testament of our public education system.
May 7, 2012 Leave a comment
I fear for the future. It is a scary thought that this film so concisely captures the essence of our future. I would place this movie as one of the scariest films around, cause nothing is more frightening than real life and this isn’t far off the mark. Leave it Mike Judge to become the soothsayer of our generation, not only for the working Joe’s and Office Space, but also for the common man that we might somehow evolve into through centuries of low IQ’s and lack of reading comprehension. Idiocracy just might strike a chord with you, either because you are the people he is using as satire or for how eerie it is that might be right.
April 21, 2012 Leave a comment
Park51, a name that does not ring a lot of bells in the American psyche. But what if I were to say “9/11 Mosque”? Does that conjure up images of New Yorkers and Americans rallying together to stop the construction of an Islamic center just blocks from the site of the Twin Towers? Polarizing and a view into the window of religious dialogue and tolerance, Building Babel is an appropriate title to a film that shows the monumental task of courting controversy and believing in what you do.
April 20, 2012 2 Comments
SUCK IT all you international pee-wee hockey teams out there. USA USA USA USA USA USA! When ducks fly together, they can’t be stopped. Except they make easier targets for Duck Hunt enthusiasts and trained hunters. Listen, I don’t have much to say on this movie cause it is one of the most bombastic, chest thumping kid film sequels to ever hit the screens. I remember seeing this movie when I was a kid and thinking that you could actually do the knuckle puck shot that Kenan Thompson does only to realize that the physics and trajectory of said shot doesn’t really match what the movie shows. But I will say this, D2 is probably one of the best sequels to a kids movie ever, so move over the Bad New Bears go to Japan.
April 19, 2011 Leave a comment
OH FUCK YEAH! 1985 was a fantastic time to be alive, shit I was born in 1985 and you know what else happened in 1985? COMMANDO! Arnold Schwarzenegger doing what he does best and that is spouting iconic one-liners and killing what is the equivalent of a small occupational army. I love 80′s action films, string thin story lines, awesome one-liners, continuity errors galore and most of all, one man killing machines! Commando is a man’s movie. If you can’t love this movie for what it is then turn in your man card and go wait in line to see Twilight or an equally girly movie.
*start 80′s action voice over*
Are you ready…to take a journey…with one man…who has nothing to lose? His friends were murdered…his only reason to live was taken from him….ridiculous pauses in between sentences…and now someone has to pay!
*end 80′s action voice over*
The movie is basically this for 90 minutes
Alright, lets get the plot out of the way since it will take two sentences. Arnold plays a character by the name of Matrix (bwahahaha) who has his daughter kidnapped by a group of mercenaries or something and they want him to carry out some assassination. Well Matrix doesn’t like that his daughter is being kidnapped and he proceeds to murder the population of an entire village of bad guys to get his daughter back. Done.
So now you have the standard 80′s action plot line set, now is time to fill the movie with action, exciting dialogue and Arnold being Arnold. This is the sort of popcorn movie that I love to turn my mind off and watch with great excitement. I am only going to talk about the highlights of this movie, so lets start with our hero and the villain.
John Matrix, former commando and loving father to a young Alyssa Milano. John Matrix just wants to live a life of solitude and forget about his killing ways. But when trouble comes knocking, Arnold suits up, gets his camouflage paint on (for what reason I don’t know since he is a giant of a man carrying a small gun store worth of equipment on him) and flexes his biceps in every scene. An unstoppable killing machine who leaves swathes of bad guys in his wake.
Now who could possibly stand up to this inhuman beast. What villain of equal proportion can go toe to toe with John Matrix. Bennett.
I will let you guess which one is supposed to be Matrixs equal
That’s right, the dude in chain mail tanktop with the arms of an out of shape high school gym student is supposed to be scary villain who can best Matrix. This has to be one of the most unbalanced hero/villain combination ever, almost as bad as John Lithgow and Sly Stallone in Cliffhanger. How is this guy supposed to be the top villain in this movie? But in 80′s action movie strides, the ensuing battle between Bennett and Matrix shows why you don’t fuck with Bennett.
The final confrontation has arguably the best death line ever. I don’t want to spoil it, but you must check it out.
Another thing I love about the movie is the constant barrage of one-liners. This movie has the best, nay, greatest collection of one-liners in a film ever. It’s like they took a book of action cliche lines and just put them into a script. Hell, I think it could use more one-liner because there are some scenes that don’t have dialogue in it.
Its time...to kill!
Have a beer, get drunk, watch this movie with friends and bask in the eternal glory that is Commando. Did I say that it is a great movie? Well, I LIED! It’s the best action movie ever.
